The one where we talk about silence and news.
I had been feeling very funny. And it was slightly reminiscent of another time in my life where my body felt unlike my own. So on May 3, I took a test. And it was negative. And I laughed at how silly I was and my paranoia. But, something just didn't feel right. So on May 5, I took a test. And it was negative. Again, laughing off my paranoia. The aching paranoia just wouldn't go away, though. So, May 7, (Happy birthday Cristy), I took another test. And right away, the screen said PREGNANT. And, in that moment, I had a heart attack. Let's be honest here, as I've shared in previous posts, our house is getting foreclosed upon. At this point, we are getting ready to move. I have just opened a brand new business in the last year. I am terrified. Most women may not admit it, but that moment is terrifying. Realizing that you will be responsible for another human being brings out a whole host of insecurities. Am I good enough, strong enough, etc. to handle this? This little miracle baby was a total surprise to the Stroup household. As I've posted before, my husband did not want any more kids. I did. And in the end, I guess women always win, one point for me, God. But, you could work on your timing. Since that has all happened, I have been totally silent in the blog world, because I felt like I could just explode and tell everyone, and sometimes I just had to tell complete strangers, because it is just very exhilarating. Any post that I would put would just seem false in that I would be leaving out the biggest thing going on in my life right now.
The first trimester is not kind to me. I'm currently 8 weeks and 4 days. My morning sickness started at about 5 weeks and it became abundantly clear that this pregnancy would be different than Harper's in a lot of ways. I have hyperemesis. This means that along with working 60 hours a week, I vomit CONSTANTLY. It's very sexy. Finally had my first doctor's appointment and got on a sublingual medication called Zofran and it is my new best friend. Not puking all day means a whole lot of things can happen. For instance, you will feel like a human being. You might actually get out for the first time in about 4 weeks and go grocery shopping. You might even cook dinner. My poor family was living off fast food. Along with that, my hormones. I am a crazy b****. Seriously. I scream a lot. And then I cry because I screamed. I spent 10+ minutes today screaming at a stupid automated phone call I had to do for my insurance. I'm surprised I didn't have an aneurysm. Seriously, if I hear, I'm sorry I don't understand your response one more time I will drive up to Ohio and smash that computer.
As I've illustrated for you before, I also have an angry, angst-filled teenager, and a 2 year old who has been running random fevers and being sick and crabby for the past 2 weeks. I'm really not sure why my husband hasn't ran for the hills. If I were him I would lock myself in a room for the next year and just never come out. It's an excellent plan. I might even slip him scraps under the door.
Coming to terms with the fears and anxiety that pregnancy gives me and raising another little baby is something that happened very quickly. Here are some things that I would do differently however, a) I would go back in time to approximately 90 days and not sell all my baby furniture (damn it, damn it, damn it). b) I would have called my doctor immediately and gotten these little miracle pills. At the end of the day, I could not be happier to have a new little person in our lives. And Zak immediately seemed excited about it. Harper is also ecstatic, and has even named the new baby, "Birthday Cake".
Seeing our little baby on the ultrasound screen was very exciting. Watching a little miracle's heart beat on the screen was just absolutely indescribable. It is not cheapened at all the second time. And that is all for now.