The one where we start getting real.
The bottom line for me, is that it is not. And this is something that on most days my husband and I disagree upon. I have been incredibly raw on my blog and this is something that is harsh and uncomfortable and that most people like to pretend doesn't happen in their Facebook lives. The fact that at times you and your husband disagree on an issue that is so big that it may end up ending your marriage at some point. That is real. Now it may not always be babies or anything, but there will be an issue that is massive at some point in your relationship that requires one person to bend or it will break. The question is who will bend and when. Will it be my body or my age or my husband? I know in some way, shape, or form, I will be a mother again. Be it to foster children down the line or another one of my own or something.
Anyway, I have gotten way off topic, but my best blogs always seem to turn that direction. So, after Saturday's debacle, I decided to take Harper to the zoo. And again, I unplugged. But, this time I did take pictures. We rode the carousel for an hour. We laughed. She gave me kisses and told me, "I'm having a great day, mommy, I love you." We saw hippos fighting and a baby elephant and watched sea lions dance in the underwater tunnel. Here are some of my favorite pictures, all from the carousel, she just had pure elation:
And after the zoo, we went and visited Zak's grandma in the nursing home. And Harper ran up to her and held her in her arms for at least 15 minutes and completely melted me and Granny Di (or as Harper would call her "Dee Di")'s hearts. And again I was reminded of how endlessly kind this little person is. Sigh.
And then I came home and my husband and I had a disagreement and barely talked. And that is a reality in itself, too. Sometimes that happens. And then I had feelings of guilt when he talked about how sick he is of hearing or seeing my favorite show. And I just wanted to curl inside myself, and that is real. And that is what I'm trying to do with this blog. Vent about my real feelings and real occurrences and not sugar coat what life is like for me and probably most people. The end.